A mom with a "colicky baby" has been slammed online for "canceling" her 13-year-old step-daughter's visits to "catch up" on sleep.
In a post shared Tuesday on Reddit's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, the mother shared the story which has since received over 9,000 comments and 5,800 upvotes.
The original poster, u/National_Law_6665, aged 35, began by revealing she has three children aged four, two, and four months old with her 13-year-old step-daughter's dad.
"My baby is super fussy. It's been really bad. The doctor said she is ok but she is really colicky. She cries all night long. The past few months have been a nightmare. Working all day no sleep at night. I am a super light sleeper. I have been canceling our weekends with my stepdaughter, 13. So my husband and I can catch up on sleep."
"My stepdaughter decided to blast us on social media. She said 'my dad and stepmom can't even take care of the kids they have. Yet they keep having more. So much for a reliable loving parent.'"
The post can be read here.
According to Family Lives, a charity that supports and offers advice to families, it is important to spend time with your stepchildren and reassure them that your love for them has not changed. Help children adjust by giving them the opportunities to help care for the baby and by choosing gifts, names and clothes.
The original poster continued: "My husband's family asked her what was wrong. She let them know that we keep canceling on HER time. It's not just HER time. it's also her dad's it's been a very difficult situation for both of us.
"My in-laws are now saying we are the A's in the situation. They stopped helping us with the younger kids altogether. Am I the A here? I feel like it's just circumstances. No one asks for a colicky baby."
Karen Pavlidis, Ph.D, founder of Child and Teen Solutions, told Newsweek: "The 13-year old is as integral a part of the family as the other three children, but step-mother is treating her as if she is an optional guest. This sends an incredibly rejecting message to the 13-year old.
"This family is fortunate that the 13-year wants to have these visits, given that many older children can feel displaced when a parent remarries and starts another family: in many cases, teens might resist time with the younger family.
"I'm sympathetic to the stress that the family is under with the colicky newborn. It sounds like the family needs more support to manage the challenges of three young children, rather than side-lining the 13-year old as a solution to their exhaustion. I'm concerned that there may be deeper issues with stepmother rejecting the 13-year old and ignoring the basic needs for a relationship with this young teen and her father."
Thousands of people have responded and the top comment has racked up 19,900 upvotes.
It said: "The colicky baby isn't your fault, but your solution IS unfair to your stepdaughter. Her father is abandoning her and disappearing from her life. You guys do need to come up with another way of dealing with this. YTA."
User brerosie33 said: "Agree. Also, the kid is 13! It's not like she is five and needs constant supervision. 13-year-olds are pretty self-sufficient. I really don't see how having the stepdaughter there could cause any issues."
The cause of colic is unknown but the symptoms include inconsolable crying that can seem more like screaming.
A survey of new parents by SleepJunkie revealed 10 percent of 1,000 participants stated they are no longer sleeping for seven or more hours per night.
Despite this, Reddit users feel it would be "easy" to include the teenager. One user said: "It would be so easy to include the original posters stepdaughter. Just have a chill weekend with her. They don't need to do anything fancy. Just have a movie day or play games together or bake some cookies. She's 13 not 3. She'll probably be happy to spend some time with her step-siblings too. I loved playing with babies and little kids when I was 13."
Newsweek reached out to u/National_Law_6665 for comment. Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Update 02/09/22, 7.34 a.m. ET: This article was updated with comment from Karen Pavlidis, Ph.D., founder of Child and Teen Solution.
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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